Tag: philosophy

Its not easy…

Tranqu(ill)1 Comment

Finding yourself is a continuous journey. it is not a straight path nor is it a path with an end or resolution. It’s a continuous cycle of finding yourself, to lose yourself, only to discover yourself in new ways that were foreign to you before. However, a large part of finding yourself is learning that you have the ability to create yourself as well. Your character is not fixed, it is a matter of our own perception and ego, rather than a rigid definition.

We learn best through others, we learn best through being flexible and adapting to new situations outside of our comfort zone that we may consider foreign. We learn the hardest, most uncomfortable, yet most significant and revolutionary lessons when we decide to commit to an experience without judgment of the situation, and most importantly without judgment of ourselves.

The path is not an easy one, many lose themselves to a life that was only supposed to be a lesson, so it is not for the faint of heart.

Its important to have a core sense of who you are, in order to come outside of yourself and expand your experience. When you are finished and you have learned your lesson, you can take what you’ve learned and use them as building blocks to broaden your scope of awareness and widen your perspective of who you are.

There were certain characteristics that I used to define myself. I believed them to be absolute truth, because that’s who I knew myself as, and how others defined me. This definition of myself was in no way wrong or bad. Its just that I learned that it didn’t have to be my truth if I didn’t want it to be.

I started to feel like some of the characteristics were working against me. They were causing me to end up in situations where I was being taken for granted, hurt, and manipulated. I decided that I did not want to define myself in those ways anymore, and change my narrative from the victim to my own hero.

We all have a choice of perspective in the narrative of our lives. we all have trials and tribulations. What matters most is what you do with them. We are not always taught that we have this choice. The most common narrative is that of the victim, where we talk about all the ways how others have wronged us and how unfair our life is, without looking for and admitting to the ways where we do not take responsibility for ourselves and our own happiness.

You can choose your path. You can choose who you want to be and start surrounding yourself with like minds and people who represent or support that image. You do not have to stay in relationships, friendships and situations where you are being treated in a way that you do not want to. take responsibility for yourself.

Reciprocity…

Tranqu(ill)1 Comment

I’m very nurturing naturally, its in my nature to put others before me. I will stop everything I am doing to care for someone, to listen, to help, to comfort.

I feel I rarely receive the same treatment.

People tend to idealize me a lot which doesn’t give me an equal chance to grow in friendships and relationships. Perfection is not something I aim for, I recognize my own flaws and I am very self critical. But I always do the work. I always put the time and effort into growth and understanding. I work really hard on my perspective. I have to, because I know that the majority of my self work and reflection has to be done on my own. 

Maybe I come off as too self sufficient.

Maybe I am too reserved about my own personal struggles and tribulations.

Maybe I unintentionally come off like I have everything together, and that I don’t need support.

I’ve always known that eventually  at my best I am intended to be like a fountain, a constant replenishing source that individuals can come and take what they need. Whether it be inspiration, comfort, wisdom, advice or knowledge.

but I am not there as yet.

I’ve have my own issues that I deal with daily. I have my own pain, my own secrets, my own negativity. I may be a bit different than what you’re used to, but I am still human and I am still whole and full of life, light and darkness.

I am always the one doing the healing and helping without getting the chance to receive the same, because people tend to be very self absorbed. I’m a giver, and I’ve come to understand that when you give, you are taking from yourself, so you need to receive that same amount of energy or you’ll be left feeling drained.

Upon coming to this realization, I made a lot of changes to my social circle and who I exchange my energy with. Some people don’t reciprocate not because they don’t want to, but simply because they don’t know how to. I can’t expect someone to give me something that they have demonstrated that they don’t know how to, when giving is what I do naturally. I can’t expect someone to meet me at my level if they themselves have not arrived as yet.

You shouldn’t have to teach someone how to love and care for you and fulfill your needs. If that is their intention, that will be clear from the beginning through words and actions. Make your needs known, be clear with how you need to be loved. Do not constantly stick around in situations where you are being unfulfilled and you have been shown that they cannot show up for you in the way that you need.  Be kinder to yourself, be honest, seek what you can also provide. Hold yourself responsible for staying in situations where you are being drained.

Move towards what feels good, and away from what does not. It is as simple as that.

More life,

– SNC

2017.

Tranqu(ill)2 Comments

In 2015 on my birthday I wished for two things. Uno, dos:

Clarity and Perspective.

I am an avid “journeler”. I have been since I was 8 years old.

The fascinating thing about writing down your thoughts, dreams, sorrows and pain frequently on paper is that you can see clearly how far you’ve come, how much your mind has grown.

When I read my journal entries from the latter of 2015/first half of 2016 and compared them to my journal entries, mood and quality of life for the past couple months, there is a significant change to be noted.

Simplistic, mellow, happiness.

I would love to bring you here with me, but it’s an individual journey to be walked alone.

I had to acknowledge and accept that I was unhappy, unsatisfied, unfulfilled. This took a while to realize, and it was a hard truth to accept. There is so much in our lives which we may use to pacify ourselves, that give us the illusion of happiness and fulfillment. On this side of the hemisphere,  our lives are structured to be very fast paced, and highly stimulating…..Distracting. Most people live their entire lives unconsciously, just running through their daily routines on autopilot. Our culture is one of materialism and superficiality to distract us from our mental and emotional reality.

My life has always been like a conveyer belt, one thing after another, highly stimulating. And I liked it that way. I like constant stimulation. Eventually that conveyer belt was feeding me things that provided instant gratification, but i was not being fed nor fulfilled.

Shortly after my birthday in the summer of 2015, things started changing out of my control. I was forced to slow down. I was forced to become conscious. I was forced to become emotionally aware of myself, I was forced to start really seeing where I was in my life and asking questions about how I got here, who are these people I surround myself with and is this where I want to be. Do my surroundings reflect my vision for my life and who I believe myself to be? The answer was no. I wasn’t truly living for me.

Then came a lot of pain, a lot of purging, a lot of endings, revolutions and closed doors. I basically spent a year and a half destroying and rewiring myself. It was long and it was hard, one of the hardest times in my life, but I made it and it was worth it. For the first time in a long time, I really saw myself. I rediscovered myself emotionally, I saw my strength. I learned how to really show up for myself when no one else was there. I learned about my needs, how to communicate what they were and to always ensure I was meeting them before I expected that of anyone else. I learned to heal myself emotionally and bring myself out of depressive moods and anxiety. I learned to be selfish and to give myself the care I was starving myself of and giving to others who did not know how to feed me. I fed myself.

The lessons I learned in 2016 and the growth that I experienced was one of the best things to ever happen to me. Despite what I had to go through, here I am. Better than I’ve ever been with a clear vision, perspective and path.

One day you will wake up and you will realize that if you want change, you have to be the change that you want to see. No one else can do it for you.

It is more about the journey, and less about the destination. How you walk, where you walk, what you leave behind and what you bring with you as you continue along your path is what is important. Enjoy the journey, allow yourself to truly experience every stage so you can understand why you ended up there and the lesson you were meant to learn. Relish in Every moment.

Walk good.

– SNC

 

 

Flaws and All

Tranqu(ill)1 Comment

Don’t try to change yourself for me,

Allow me to love you authentically.

I see potential in your flaws, and bright ideas in your failures,

Like the first budding fern after a forest fire.

I admire you.

I want to find beauty in parts of you that she overlooked, find the uncertainties and insecurities of your character and seal them with my love.

I will teach you to love beyond your fear.

– SNC

Tranqu(ill)2 Comments

The concept of self is a very complex and very debated one.

Yet it is empty; and this is why I feel it is so difficult. 

Self-image is comparable to the mirror image you see when looking at yourself in the clear water.

One minute we have ourselves figured out and clearly defined;

our goals,

our standards,

what we will and won’t do,

and in the blink of an eye that image can be completely distorted with the toss of something as small as a pebble,

yet can be catastrophic in destroying the concept of self we hold on to.

The concept of self is ever changing, and that’s something that needs to be embraced.

To others it may seem like you may be confused,

but to a more deeply evolved soul, they will understand that life, wisdom, and genuine fulfilling experience is a cycle of lost and found.

To find yourself you must lose yourself and then find yourself again.

Each time you find yourself after a period of darkness and frustration,

you will awake with a deeper soul shaking understanding and awareness of yourself.

Life is about making the leap to the unknown,

and not being afraid to emerge a different version of yourself.

– SNC

Life’s a Journey

Tranqu(ill)Leave a comment

Life is a journey,

not meant to be trod,

not a clear path into the light,

But what life is against all odds,

is a race requiring wit and might,

We trick ourselves into believing,

greatness is born within a night,

But those who achieve it,

and stake their claim,

Knows greatness demands great sacrifice,

Life’s a journey not meant to be trod,

a highway it seems in these changing times,

Life’s a journey,

a gift from god,

whose path is mapped by our state of minds,

A path that must be created with care,

and above all else without any fear,

For fear is a prison,

an enslaver of the mind,

A blocker of thoughts,

a killer of pride,

Life’s a journey not meant to be trod,

It demands that we open our eyes,

Life’s a journey,

a mystery unsolved,

Unraveled when faith becomes our guide.

– Anonymous.

“My alone feels…

Tranqu(ill)1 Comment

“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude”
― Warsan Shire

Chapter 20

Tranqu(ill)6 Comments

I’m searching for something.

I don’t know what it is, yet I continue to look.

I have no guidance, no distinct path,

But I know what I seek is worth the journey.

I search,

looking underneath each man’s ego and within the cracks of his heart.

I pour love, inspiration, and truth into the broken pieces of his soul, leaving

behind the unforgettable scent of my paradoxity on his breath.

I make sure to gently touch each whom I pass by on my way,

leaving my hand prints on the hearts of many.

And then I keep walking.

I met some, who gave me pieces of the picture, but none willing to paint with me.

One day I looked deep inside and found a map, but instead of words and symbols it said

“you know the way”.

It is now chapter twenty,  and I still have not found that which I seek.

My map is life,

and I use my heart as my only sense of direction.

I wouldn’t be so evasive, if you weren’t trying to hold me captive, consistency will never be a word that will come to my mind when you think of me. So let me preserve my mystery.

I’m only an artist, searching for a muse.

S.C.

Below is an original painting by the author of this publication Tranqu(ill). It is a mixed media piece consisting of acrylic paint and pencil crayon.

photo

“Patience child…

Tranqu(ill)Leave a comment

“Patience child, patience. Remember, life is a journey. If you got everything you wanted all at once there’d be no point to living. “Enjoy the ride, and in the end you’ll see these “set backs” as giant leaps forward, only you couldn’t see the bigger picture in the moment. Remain calm, all is within reach; all you have to do is show up everyday, stay true to your path and you will surely find the treasure you seek.”
— Jackson Kiddard

Be Yourself.

Tranqu(ill)Leave a comment

“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.”
― Jim Morrison