I’m very nurturing naturally, its in my nature to put others before me. I will stop everything I am doing to care for someone, to listen, to help, to comfort.

I feel I rarely receive the same treatment.

People tend to idealize me a lot which doesn’t give me an equal chance to grow in friendships and relationships. Perfection is not something I aim for, I recognize my own flaws and I am very self critical. But I always do the work. I always put the time and effort into growth and understanding. I work really hard on my perspective. I have to, because I know that the majority of my self work and reflection has to be done on my own. 

Maybe I come off as too self sufficient.

Maybe I am too reserved about my own personal struggles and tribulations.

Maybe I unintentionally come off like I have everything together, and that I don’t need support.

I’ve always known that eventually  at my best I am intended to be like a fountain, a constant replenishing source that individuals can come and take what they need. Whether it be inspiration, comfort, wisdom, advice or knowledge.

but I am not there as yet.

I’ve have my own issues that I deal with daily. I have my own pain, my own secrets, my own negativity. I may be a bit different than what you’re used to, but I am still human and I am still whole and full of life, light and darkness.

I am always the one doing the healing and helping without getting the chance to receive the same, because people tend to be very self absorbed. I’m a giver, and I’ve come to understand that when you give, you are taking from yourself, so you need to receive that same amount of energy or you’ll be left feeling drained.

Upon coming to this realization, I made a lot of changes to my social circle and who I exchange my energy with. Some people don’t reciprocate not because they don’t want to, but simply because they don’t know how to. I can’t expect someone to give me something that they have demonstrated that they don’t know how to, when giving is what I do naturally. I can’t expect someone to meet me at my level if they themselves have not arrived as yet.

You shouldn’t have to teach someone how to love and care for you and fulfill your needs. If that is their intention, that will be clear from the beginning through words and actions. Make your needs known, be clear with how you need to be loved. Do not constantly stick around in situations where you are being unfulfilled and you have been shown that they cannot show up for you in the way that you need.  Be kinder to yourself, be honest, seek what you can also provide. Hold yourself responsible for staying in situations where you are being drained.

Move towards what feels good, and away from what does not. It is as simple as that.

More life,

– SNC